American nightmare

"Hes really living the life"

" Uh hes living A life, not THE life"

too old

you want to hang out at 5am on a weeknight? try fucking a teenager.

dream big

good job, you went from fucking the opener to the headliner.

Junk

Most dudes in Baltimore act like their penis:
they are either a big dick or a little weenie

who?

that wasn't an insult I yelled, i was just calling him by his last name.

maybe you should know that before going home with him.

Too late

If you are over 30 the only reason you should be texting someone at 4 in the morning is if you are on another continent

Scary

I know what you did last summer, and I know WHO you did THIS summer

Internet 101

You cant be sneaky on the internet if you haven't mastered how to clear your history

Thrifty

Dont look at that crust punk crazy, there is only 10 minutes left of this open bar, OF COURSE he's going to order 6 drinks

NavaHO

Just cause you like the fire water dosen't mean you are native american