B-More Ridiculous

American nightmare

2011-12-02T17:59:00.000-05:00

"Hes really living the life"

" Uh hes living A life, not THE life"

too old

2011-12-01T21:43:00.001-05:00

you want to hang out at 5am on a weeknight? try fucking a teenager.

dream big

2011-09-29T15:06:00.002-04:00

good job, you went from fucking the opener to the headliner.

Junk

2011-09-01T15:32:00.001-04:00

Most dudes in Baltimore act like their penis:
they are either a big dick or a little weenie

who?

2011-08-18T11:02:00.003-04:00

that wasn't an insult I yelled, i was just calling him by his last name.

maybe you should know that before going home with him.

Too late

2011-08-09T16:46:00.001-04:00

If you are over 30 the only reason you should be texting someone at 4 in the morning is if you are on another continent

Scary

2011-08-09T13:30:00.002-04:00

I know what you did last summer, and I know WHO you did THIS summer

Internet 101

2011-08-09T13:03:00.003-04:00

You cant be sneaky on the internet if you haven't mastered how to clear your history

Thrifty

2011-08-09T11:38:00.003-04:00

Dont look at that crust punk crazy, there is only 10 minutes left of this open bar, OF COURSE he's going to order 6 drinks

NavaHO

2011-08-09T11:36:00.003-04:00

Just cause you like the fire water dosen't mean you are native american

Dont you know who I am?

2011-08-09T11:23:00.001-04:00

If you have to tell people you are "Baltimore Famous" then you're probably not

So dumb, for real

2011-07-20T17:24:00.002-04:00

You're a fucking idiot and you're fucking an idiot

I see you

2011-07-14T16:27:00.002-04:00

"I dont think we are in the same place" dosent work as a break up line if you start going to all the bars I go to.

Fauxhemian

2011-07-08T11:28:00.004-04:00

If someone is paying your bills and giving you money to hang out, you might want to keep it to yourself.
Its not cute to brag about being a 20 something child

Pride

2011-06-24T13:25:00.001-04:00

If you are going to wear ass-less pants make sure you moisturize.
Your booty be ashy.

Math for dummies

2011-06-23T14:04:00.001-04:00

1 of your sexy pictures is equal to 3 head shakes and 1 eye roll

Hey Ladies

2011-06-23T13:48:00.002-04:00

Its pointless to fight over friends or boys
If you have to, then they probably weren't yours to begin with

i SEE you

2011-06-23T12:54:00.001-04:00

The atm is a place to get money, not a sneaky place to use the bathroom

every girl

2011-06-23T12:46:00.003-04:00

"I've banged 2/3 of this band, like the ones on each side of the stage. I've book ended this band"

logic

2011-06-23T12:43:00.002-04:00

Any ear is the gay ear if you have an earring and fucking dude.

oops

2011-06-23T12:40:00.002-04:00

"i cant remember if he had a big dick or WAS a big dick."

boo hoo

2011-06-22T09:57:00.003-04:00

no one's making fun of her, she kinda has to laugh at her life or else it's too sad.

Maybe not your boyfriend

2011-06-21T17:09:00.002-04:00

If he hasen't been using "we" to talk about you guys, maybe you shouldn't either

work problems

2011-06-09T14:56:00.003-04:00

if you are hurrying to cover a hickey on your neck before your monday morning staff meeting, you need to realize you're getting too old for that shit.

2011-05-28T16:46:00.001-04:00

simon

too old

2011-04-22T20:39:00.001-04:00

"oh, she's finally blossoming into a woman"

"what? she is 28, talk about late bloomer!

buy it

2011-04-14T10:41:00.002-04:00

you know you're a loser when all you have is time & money and yet you still can't get a life.

Cool it

2011-04-07T14:16:00.001-04:00

I know you JUST found out about that place but you dont need to be all "OMG THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!"

I know it is dude, thats why I go there.

forget you

2011-04-03T21:14:00.000-04:00

your best come back is "fuck you"? who are you, cee-lo?

walk it off

2011-04-03T20:58:00.000-04:00

if you can't take a joke, take a hike.

hola

2011-04-03T20:57:00.001-04:00

you used to be a cute sassy latina. now you're a fat angry chola.

accessories

2011-04-03T20:56:00.001-04:00

oh shit, that's not a tiny purse. you are just a huge purs...on.

Hair don't

2011-03-18T13:19:00.003-04:00

You shouldn't have the same haircut as your boyfriend. Its hard to tell you apart.

Dont stab me bro

2011-03-09T12:47:00.001-05:00

I knew I was going to have problems with his ex when I went to his house and all the knives were hidden in the microwave.

Don't

2011-01-20T17:58:00.001-05:00

If someone tells you your necklace looks "fun" you are not getting a complement.
Its like someone telling you your shoes look really comfortable

Re-run

2011-01-20T16:14:00.001-05:00

I dont know why people are talking about that person likes its's breaking news.
I saw that shit show like 5 years ago.

can you find one?

2010-12-30T13:26:00.001-05:00

i don't think there is a single dude in baltimore you could show me & i could say "i don't know anyone he's banged."

Taking the high road

2010-12-28T15:01:00.001-05:00

I know you are being the bigger person, but that dosen't mean you have to wear the smallest sweater.

No No No

2010-12-28T15:00:00.001-05:00

It's time to leave the Christmas party when people start getting haircuts in the basement

Erase

2010-12-23T14:48:00.003-05:00

you know the relationship is getting serious when you start deleting all the noodz from other random people over the past few months off your phone

oof

2010-12-23T14:47:00.002-05:00

"she is a whore.. with bad hair" are like two of the worst things you can say about a girl

too close

2010-12-10T11:55:00.000-05:00

if you start talking to me and your glasses are hitting against mine, you need to back it up

Not going to work

2010-12-07T18:00:00.002-05:00

Lets face it, If he cant handle me at 10:00 then there is no way he can handle me at last call.

Shhhhh

2010-12-07T17:58:00.002-05:00

If you are too embarrassed to name who you are dating, then you probably shouldnt be dating them.

abc

2010-11-30T21:31:00.002-05:00

"you can't be witty and shitty.. and not know how to spell right"

Dress code

2010-11-26T10:11:00.001-05:00

Do you really want to go to a club that has to have a dress code that is:
1. No backwards hats
2. No face tees

Deleated

2010-11-19T11:40:00.003-05:00

Dont defend them, de-friend them.

Expartion date

2010-11-04T11:13:00.002-04:00

Dont even bother with that dude, He hit his prime the summer of 2003.

atlantic shitty

2010-10-29T12:22:00.002-04:00

That dude is like a slot machine. You bang it hard enough, you will hopefully get some money.

Sittin shoes

2010-10-13T00:57:00.001-04:00

New shoes + 5 beers =

"Im going to have to sit down before I FALL down"

Chicken box

2010-10-13T00:55:00.001-04:00

Just because you gave me an extra biscuit with my 3 piece does not mean Im going to go on a date with you.

Passin out is not the same as a nap

2010-10-13T00:48:00.002-04:00

When I call you out for calling me drunk, don't you tell me you are just tired.
Of course you are tired,
YOU ARE WASTED.

2010-10-05T15:32:00.001-04:00

i am crazy enough that you will come back to my house with me.
i am crazy enough that you will not take me to your house.

blaaa

2010-10-02T18:35:00.001-04:00

when in doubt, puke it out

Twins

2010-09-24T11:24:00.003-04:00

Dont get all cocky because you are hanging with that guy, because he is also hanging out with a smarter funnier prettier version of you when you are not around.

Rule

2010-09-24T11:22:00.000-04:00

If you are banging a bartender then you get free drinks and your friend gets a discount.

Snooki clip

2010-09-24T11:16:00.001-04:00

Your boyfriend is like a bad hair clip:
An ugly mess and everyone can see it but you.

doesn't matter

2010-09-24T10:07:00.000-04:00

you have one volume: yell.

BOB

2010-09-24T09:58:00.001-04:00

i should win "best creeping into best of baltimore parties without winning anything" because i do it every year

party every night

2010-09-24T09:53:00.001-04:00

you would go watch a tree's leaves rustle if someone told you it was "noise music"

Suave

2010-09-22T09:28:00.000-04:00

No dude.
"shorty fuckable" is not a complement.

budget living

2010-09-17T10:19:00.002-04:00

"you don't have a lot of money. do you really want to invest $9 for a box condoms when you're not even sure you're going to see him again?"

smh

2010-09-17T10:13:00.001-04:00

sometimes when people are stupid, they try to rationalize by saying they're a "different kind of smart". but sometimes an idiot is just an idiot.

winter gay

2010-09-17T10:11:00.001-04:00

i know fall is coming and people change their looks depending on seasons... but apparently they do the same with sexual orientation?

Things that go bump in the night

2010-09-02T13:42:00.000-04:00

I dont know what the hell that dude is doing in my living room. It sounds like hes poping every piece of gum out of a blister pack.

hot tranny mess

2010-09-01T16:32:00.001-04:00

changing your name and gender on facebook does not make you a tranny IRL.

silly manz

2010-09-01T15:47:00.002-04:00

older man, i just want to talk about twilight, silly bandz, and shit i bought at the mall...which means i have more in common with your 13 year old daughter you keep trying to tell me about than you.

Question:

2010-08-26T17:38:00.000-04:00

You ever look at someone with a ring on and ask yourself "who married that?"

Movie Synopsis

2010-08-26T17:30:00.000-04:00

Its not that his penis was tiny, its that his belly was too fat.

2 steps back

2010-08-26T17:03:00.002-04:00

seriously, who CAN'T dance to baltimore club??

Fairy Tale

2010-08-26T16:43:00.001-04:00

Half the story is that shes a crazy cunt, the other half is that hes a fucking idiot.

Reunion

2010-08-11T16:23:00.001-04:00

No, dude from high school, I DONT remember hooking up with you
I barely remember the dudes I hook up with NOW.

thats so.. sad

2010-08-11T16:22:00.001-04:00

just because you tape yourself doin' it doesn't make you a porn star. you can keep having sex, but no one is watching.

keep tryin

2010-08-10T09:15:00.001-04:00

if you have to keep talking about & trying to convince people that you are crazy, you probably aren't. actual crazy people think they're completely fine.

baseball=real life

2010-08-08T17:26:00.000-04:00

don't try to be sneaky, because you're going to get caught.

korn

2010-08-07T23:51:00.002-04:00

in that relationship.. she's the freak, he's on the leash.

Silly

2010-08-04T14:57:00.000-04:00

You are a grown ass man
stop counting your silly bands when Im trying to steal them.

older lady:

2010-07-17T16:44:00.002-04:00

porn site tattooed on your boob? when you were in your prime and looked hot enough to be photographed naked, the internet did not exist yet.

Free show

2010-07-10T13:58:00.001-04:00

If you wanted money from me for your event, you should have put that shit on the flier.
You cant make me pay a SUGGESTED donation.

not your boyfriend

2010-07-07T19:43:00.003-04:00

it's not a date if he only takes you back to his place and you fuck him.
it's not a relationship if it happens more than once.

let me stop you right there

2010-07-07T16:48:00.003-04:00

the worst insult you can come up for me is probably the tamest thing i could think of to say to you.

OkSTUPID

2010-07-06T13:45:00.001-04:00

If your screen name is "EatinUgood"
Im not going to talk to you.
ew.

world cup

2010-07-03T16:32:00.002-04:00

you should stop talking, because your words just sound like a vuvuzela to me.

Summer in the city

2010-06-29T15:04:00.000-04:00

I dont care HOW hot it is, you dont take off you clothes and chill naked on a park bench.

You dont know

2010-06-26T13:39:00.003-04:00

Don't act like you are all buddy buddy with that person when I KNOW you aren't.
You haven't had a new friend since 2002

mistaken identity

2010-06-23T22:59:00.002-04:00

when i'm visiting a place i've never been, don't come up to me and say you've seen me there before. i know you're lying

Tatty bro

2010-06-23T00:13:00.001-04:00

What I thought was a chest tattoo turned out to be just hair.

Deal Breaker

2010-06-18T14:10:00.001-04:00

The way to my heart is not through a Pikachu voice.
That goes for my pants too.

hey bitch

2010-06-03T15:10:00.002-04:00

if you're going to really hate me, you're going to have to come up with a better reason than "she sucks"

garage sale

2010-05-30T19:37:00.002-04:00

don't worry about me stealing your boyfriend, because you can't even give him away.

game plan

2010-05-29T15:04:00.001-04:00

upon meeting him, i decided i was going to get him to be into me, then to be in me.

See ya

2010-05-29T09:23:00.001-04:00

Screaming "I HOPE YOU DONT BANG ANYONE" at somebody is not an appropriate goodbye.

picass-no

2010-05-28T02:02:00.001-04:00

hey. just because there is chalk/chalkboard walls in the bathroom doesn't mean you need to recreate your first grade masterpiece on the walls. other people have to pee.

Its happy hour somewhere

2010-05-26T18:14:00.002-04:00

We are NOT dating. We just happen to hang out at specific bar times: Brunch, happy hour...last call.

Just Google him

2010-05-26T15:32:00.001-04:00

Your Google inquiry, "Matt band dude Iowa 217-866-xxxx" turned up 0 results.

simple algebra

2010-05-21T16:55:00.001-04:00

you= cute
your friend=not cute

Imma buy you a drink

2010-05-21T16:23:00.000-04:00

Get me a shot of vangogh, then van go away.

Not surprised

2010-05-12T12:27:00.002-04:00

What I thought was a condom wrapper turned out to be part of a Twix wrapper.
In retrospect, that makes WAY more sense.

not in the movies

2010-05-11T23:28:00.002-04:00

taking a bunch of people from LA to the copycat for a party, stopping off at north inn first..

first comment: "wait.. we're getting beer THEN we're going somewhere? why don't they just have beer there?"
second comment: "what is this place? a liquor store?..no..a bar? i'm so confused"

Everything you need to know about baltimore is in here:

2010-04-30T19:08:00.001-04:00